Goals

I have never been much of a natural climber, however, I make up for this with bucket loads of enthusiasm. So much so, someone accused me of moving in at the wall yesterday. However, my total lack of ability makes achieving my goals all the more difficult, what is easy to the majority, is certainly not easy to me.  I am tall and I am female and both those things mean that I climb differently to many people that I know, it takes me time and a lot of effort to find a way to move that works for me.  And often I am scared, mostly on lead, and it is hard to overcome a paralysing fear that clouds your head and makes you want to vomit.  But I am also determined.  I want to be a good climber, I want to do better, climb harder, achieve more and so I keep trying.  Session, after session, after session.  I don't think I will ever be satisfied, but then is that not what drives you on?  The knowledge that after every achievement there is a new goal to strive for?  That your best is not actually your best?  That you can always take it that little bit further?

There is a joke at the moment about personal Dawn Walls, but I think the idea is very true.  We all have that thing that we want to do, that seems totally unachievable but with work and with effort is attainable.  I don't think it matters if this is an 8a in Catalunya or in my case, 6a at the wall, no matter what standard of climber you are, it is good to have ambition and no one should ever be dismissive of anyone else's dream, even if, to them, it seems a mere trifle.

I am learning too about the mental game and how far you can go with supportive people around you.  Those couple of partners who know better than yourself what you can achieve and so they make you do it.  And then, when you make it to the top, you realise that they were right and that what you said you couldn't do was achievable after all.  Those little words of encouragement, the pointing out of the screw ons you've missed, the discussion of beta or coaching points learned together, the willingness to sit on a rope for 20 minutes ('Well, it was faster than the Dawn Wall, but only just'), the words 'just try one more time', the gentle bullying when you say that you can't.  And slowly but surely, because they know you can do it, you also begin to believe that you might actually be able to do it after all.  And it doesn't matter if the goal is 'only' a 4 (over an overhang that 2 months ago induced a genuine panic attack and an overwhelming desire to vomit on their heads), they never belittle the achievement.  It's about finding people to climb with who encourage you to grow your own self belief and without self belief, it's very hard to push the envelope.

So what do I want to achieve?  Well this adventure started because I want to go to Kalymnos at the end of September with the Original and Best climbing partner and, having already been Siurana, think that to have an even better time, I need to climb harder. So...

I want to lead 6a indoors
Lead 6a outdoors
Lead a Severe (and maybe a VS if it's nice)
Boulder V4 indoor, maybe f6a outdoor?
Climb outside as much as possible - Trad, sport, bouldering
Go on climbing road trips
Have fun
Have adventures

I don't know if I can do these things, I don't know if I have reached the natural ceiling of my abilities.  A few months ago I would have said I had, but now I am not so sure.  I may not climb hard, but I still climb better than I did and so if I keep working, maybe be I can improve that little bit more.

I suppose, in the end, it will all come down to self belief....